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[wife_material]

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[fragmentaryblue]

Ah. I meant that you don't seem the type to tolerate boredom.

My case is still strong enough. If you don't direct a lightning strike, then who knows where it might land? I'm sure your lotus won't take to being peppered with pleas to make friendly with me. Does that not fall under your diplomatic purview?

[flatteries]

[ Inigo is peeking veeery slowly at this message, as if it might emerge from the device to eat him.

Thankfully it doesn't. It's even relatively harmless so far. You know what, maybe he can do it. Maybe he just has to take in a deep breath. ]

And his neighbor.

Do you know what is going on between the two of them? They are both important to me.

[wife_material]

[Yeah, there it is. Clearly Inigo doesn't know that Di Feisheng knows who put him up to this, that he was forewarned and even bribed. Equally clearly, that pointed question was taken at face value. That's actually somewhat promising.]

Nothing, at the moment. I would know.

Haven't you heard the saying? Two tigers can't share a mountain. Lunatics can't either.

[flatteries]

[ ... ]

Fang Duobing told me that tigers are large cats. As far as I know, those two are human. [ Unless he got something wrong there? Inigo is so used to assuming other people - especially other intimidating people - are right and he's wrong that he may be second guessing himself a little here.. What if they are secret tigers?? Is that why Fang Duobing is so obsessed with them, since Li Lianhua is one? ]

Nor are they lunatics. I think they are very normal people.

[ Filed under "things no one else would ever say about either Li Lianhua or Blue".. ]

1/2

[wife_material]

[It is Di Feisheng's turn to contemplate putting the little device away for awhile. Maybe take a nap. Maybe task Fang Duobing with teaching him how to block people, if he can work it into his schedule of talking about tigers apparently. Not to block Inigo, since Di Feisheng has apparently not fulfilled this task at all and possibly even unclarified some things, but rather the one who put him up to this, because this is not in his wheelhouse at all actually. He's not remotely sure where to even start. He can rally after some perturbed staring at these truly pitiable words, but it is going to feel like an uphill battle all the way. What is Inigo even doing in this tiger pit. How is he supposed to explain how little has actually happened between the lunatics in question. Hang on, did Inigo actually not know what tigers are? Maybe he's excused for not knowing what lunatics are either.

Give him like a minute.]

2/2

[wife_material]

[You know what, they deserve the comparison now more than ever.]

The saying just means people who are dangerous and arrogant. Those two are too much alike not to be at odds.

They're not normal at all. But they do have fun pretending.

[flatteries]

[ Man, is there ever much Inigo could say here. Including some things he won't say, just because it's Di Feisheng, and he kind of feels like the man could bite his head off for said 'some things.'

So he chews his lip for a moment, staring at the answer, and then slowly starts typing. ]

Why would you call them dangerous and arrogant?

[ Even aside from Inigo just plainly disagreeing with both those descriptors when it comes to those two-- ]

I thought you and Li Lianhua were close. So why would you describe him in such a way?

12/25 gift delivery

[waterfawn]

[Sometime during 12/25, Di Feishing will have a package dropped off. There are handmade mooncakes, a small set of well sharpened cooking knives, and knit arm warmers along with a card.] Hello A-Fei! Thank you for teaching me how to cook earlier this year, I hope these gifts serve you well! Your knife looked rather dull so I've sharpened these as best that I can- do be careful when handling them. With good wishes for the year ahead, Eilonwy

[wife_material]

[It's a shame Inigo is minding his manners so well, because whatever 'some things' might be would almost certainly make more sense to Di Feisheng than whatever is happening in the toneless medium of little device messages. Is Inigo questioning the spirit of his judgment, or the correctness? Also how much time does Inigo like, have. Right now. For the receipts.]

Because they are, without question. Li Lianhua almost killed me. It took ten years to recover, and not even fully. What does being close have to do with being dangerous?

[Two things can be true at once, Inigo.]

Iris has only defeated me at a game. Li Lianhua doesn't think she will leave it at that.

[flatteries]

[ Sorry, Di Feisheng. Because the next message might be even more confusing - since Inigo's kindness can't help but immediately zoom in on one specific part of that, focusing on it first over all the other confusing things.

(Like the thought of Li Lianhua hurting anyone. Or that Li Lianhua seems to think Blue is a threat, for some reason. Far too confusing, all of it.) ]

Are you alright?

[ Di Feisheng, you fool, you can't mention almost dying and not fully recovering without this happening. ]

[wife_material]

[That's the takeaway here? Heaven. What a question to ask Di Feisheng. It is honestly the strangest message to grace the little device in his time here, regardless of his associations with lunatics. As such, it takes him, yet again, awhile to gather his wits into a response. Isn't he alright? Who is he even supposed to ask.]

I recovered all my strength and then some before coming here. Li Lianhua interfered there too.

[That's the POINT. Tigers meddle. Di Feisheng also meddles, or accepts, or whatever takes him forward. He's just being realistic. As promised when Iris gave him the "assignment."]

Or do you also think I'm in some new danger? No need. Worry about them.

[wife_material]

[Now there's lightning. And a diplomatic purview. And still no easy retaliation to get her to stop calling Li Lianhua that. He will make fun of her dramatics anyway.]

Only if you get blamed for it. So maybe. You don't think Inigo could convince him?

[wife_material]

Li Lianhua has always got so many things to tell a person, and yet despite the ritualized exhortation to forbearance every time, the chance to refuse never presents itself. And accusing Di Feisheng of all people of a poor grasp on strategy and of some sort of cowardly motivation for the execution of it? Both at once? A moment of startlement is not going to cover the cost, even if it was even more gratifying than momentarily spooking their neighbor had been. The element of surprise was never intended to conceal his identity, he just wanted to be fast and ill-suited to arguments. Nothing about the lashing of his tail has anything to do with restraint. For what would he even need reach, the horrible man is right there.

Grabbing at that helpfully gesturing hand with snakelike speed and none of the feathery lack of follow-through from his earlier swipe isn't at all the reflex it seems, even if laying his ears flat is. Li Lianhua is not getting a third panther pun today at his expense, but it won't be from lack of material. And if Li Lianhua wants better tactics, then he can fish them out of the panther's jaws, now delicately outstretched to close ever so precisely around his captured hand. This is a warning, and in qi terms a very legal move, and will definitely send the correct message about respect.

[fragmentaryblue]

Isn't offering him an unachievable task too cruel by half?

Even you couldn't do it, and I dare not ask for miracles.

[wife_material]

Not any offer of mine. I don't need him to make friendly.

[They're a lot more fun this way, as long as no one dies. Peace is not just not an option, but a scary thing to contemplate.]

Not meddling is miracle enough.

[fragmentaryblue]

I'm so glad you understand. You don't fool me, though. I know you enjoy the meddling.

Do you see now why I need you? You're my only hope for maintaining the balance between our houses. I couldn't entrust this task to anyone else.

[Yes she could, but not nearly to the same effect.]

[wife_material]

Sometimes.

[AS LONG AS NO ONE DIES. She still doesn't need to say it.]

Careful. With stakes that high, I could be asking more.

[fragmentaryblue]

Oh, are you asking anything? I thought this was covered by your diplomatic duty.

[flatteries]

[ Inigo isn't really sure why Li Lianhua would do that to Di Feisheng and then help him recover.. But then again, it sounds like a story about as confusing as the whole poisoning thing that Fang Duobing told him about. Inigo has already long ago settled the thought in his mind that their world is just far too confusing when it comes to their social norms for him to ever understand. ]

Ten years is just a long time.

[ Especially when that's more than half Inigo's age.. ]

I can't imagine that having to recover for that long was easy. I know we don't know each other well, but I don't like the thought of you having to go through that.

I don't think you're in any danger now though, no. Both of them have been very nice to me. I can only imagine they are also nice to you. [ Despite all of the other weird things Di Feisheng is saying about them now!! Which sound like they couldn't possibly be true!! ]

[wife_material]

[Added to the list of knowledge Inigo apparently doesn't have--tigers, lunatics, the vast insubstantiality of what's going on with Iris and Li Lianhua--how to handle revelations like this. Thinking about it too much and then going so uncommonly far as to ask questions and say things, just a bewildering array of things, when that's not even what this conversation is supposed to be about. Some information is to be just accepted like a rock into an overgrown pond, with no ripples. Why is Inigo thinking about it when Di Feisheng himself is not. Why is Inigo having an opinion about it when Di Feisheng is mostly not doing that either.]

Then don't think about it. It's just part of the explanation.

[This is wretched. He should throw this device into whatever Li Lianhua cooks next, or see if he has any tables that need propping up with it. This is vile.]

They are indeed nice to me. They are still dangerous, particularly to each other. That's why I negotiated for a kind of responsibility for either side. So Iris asked me to explain, as a neutral party. Li Lianhua thinks she will turn on me and that no good can come of associating with her, even if she means well now.

[Unfortunately, the rest of the explanation is not readily at hand, and it comes as yet another shock.]

I don't actually know what Iris thinks of him, besides that he makes a good opponent in things that don't matter. Maybe I should have asked.

[flatteries]

[ There's a pause.

It usually isn't good news when there's a pause between Inigo's replies, because that means Inigo is thinking. And when Inigo thinks, usually words tend to come out afterwards that Di Feisheng doesn't want to deal with.

(For example, he's definitely still thinking about those ten years. Inigo won't let go of that so easily. He may not bring it up right away, but-- it sure is up in there! Simmering!)

The words that do come out after a few moments though, are-- ]

Do you really think they would hurt each other?

[ Very this vibe. Di Feisheng did use the word dangerous! Inigo isn't sure how else to interpret that, as wild as the thought is of either of those people doing anything like that. ]

text; un: melancholic.gentleman

[detective_xiaobao]

Hey.

How have you been feeling? I'm warning you now, you better not get sick too.

[wife_material]

[DISGUSTING. WORST THING TO EVER APPEAR ON THIS SCREEN.]

You're warning me?

[detective_xiaobao]

[Inscrutable tone in that message. Also not answering his question.]

Shouldn't I be? Did you suddenly become talkative and forthcoming when I wasn't looking?

[wife_material]

[Because it was gross. ]

We can't all be as noisy as you. That doesn't mean I'm hiding anything.