As enjoyable as it would otherwise be to cause such startlement simply by being the way he is, in current circumstances it just makes the nightmarish apparition put on a contrite expression, after a moment of alarmed concern himself. This shift from low-eared, crouched staring and stewing is a subtle one, but at least the lamplight eyes are averted. Like that makes any real kind of difference, like there's any meaningful way to give some distance to Li Lianhua's various sufferings that isn't just kind of a token, but that's just how it is again. Tokens, like many things, are not what Di Feisheng is for. He does have to keep thinking about it in case it's changed.
Fighting a broom-wielding Fang Xiaobao would be preferable to any of these lines of thought, honestly, not least because it would be a better distraction than he knows how to be on his own. Flower petals, of all things. It's one thing to live in a world determined to borrow from storybooks, but couldn't it have been from the kind with more investment in balance and morality than in inevitability? Maybe if he sits here long enough Li Lianhua will say he also thinks it's stupid. That might not be beneficial from a medical standpoint, but it would still be nice. Given this annoyance, the sweeping is taking care of itself actually.
To Di Feisheng's credit, he's actually making a pretty good distraction, or at least Li Lianhua is pretty good at distracting himself. He chuckles softly at his own words, really giving it some consideration now.
"Hah, it would actually be quite satisfying to see. You're fast, but Xiaobao can't be underestimated... Too resourceful and determined, even for you. I really don't know who to bet on..." He trails off, finding even this small amount of chatter too tiring. Besides, if having to listen to some nonsense was going to convince Di Feisheng to go find something more worthwhile to do with his time, it would have done so much sooner than this. The panther's annoyance is palpable, but somehow not very amusing at all.
Li Lianhua sighs gingerly around the stifling congestion in his lungs, a pained pinch between his eyebrows, though he hasn't dropped his smile.
"Save me the lecture, Lao Di. I know you think this is stupid. I don't like it either." As if that makes any sort of difference.
A lecture. The panther blinks disdainfully at this, but doesn't protest beyond a kittenish snort. Of course Li Lianhua doesn't like it. He sounds terrible, which has happened before. He's trying, with the mental descendant of martial skill, not to let it fully touch him through the deployment of words. Di Feisheng can't decide if this is an improvement or more of the same. They are very close to being in agreement, anyway. There's something mollifying in that, but Di Feisheng can't quite take it to heart.
Does Li Lianhua know why this feels like such a meaningless betrayal? Why he's spending his time in these baleful vigils? What lecture does he even think Di Feisheng could give about something that seems to be blind bad luck rather than willful self-despite. If Li Lianhua is putting words in the mouth of a big cat he's got things all wrong. Even the staring is completely lacking in recrimination, for once.
What's with the cute disdain? Isn't that what the panther's inevitable watchful presence is meant to be? A lecture on not allowing some random stupid illness to defeat him in the end, on finding a way to cure himself with force of will alone, on never simply accepting the gains and losses fate hands out? The man is remarkably patient on this, or perhaps just characteristically tenacious, but Li Lianhua remains a poor student. He may know the right things to want these days, but knowing is only half the battle. And Li Lianhua is still so tired of battles.
He's also tired of being a disappointment. There does not need to be recrimination in the eyes of a big cat for Li Lianhua to find plenty within himself. His smile curls bitterly, and there's a sharpness underpinning the usual barbed levity between them that is woefully misdirected.
"You must be pretty bored of this by now. Next time I'll find something to die of that's more convenient for you to fight, alright?"
Maybe Li Lianhua wasn't so wrong to be putting words in a panther's jaws after all; the unlooked-for bitterness leaves Di Feisheng frustrated by the limitations on what he can convey, and the self-imposed stricture on talking like this isn't even mostly to blame. What backs up his throat isn't a martial lecture but simply the acrid familiarity of fear. Of being made to be afraid. An exhausting vigil, an almost superstitious dread not just of loss but the reminder of powerlessness. If it were any kind of secret, he'd be dying of the unutterability too.
He's here for commiseration. And general worry, and warding off untimely ends through some kind of apotropaic quality, but the commiseration is a big one and it's as compelling as its lack is vexing. Calling it boring just makes him bunch himself up to spring, either away or to wipe the poisoned smile off Li Lianhua's dear face. In lieu of either argument, escape, or unseemly violence against an invalid he turns the kinetic energy to a very purposeful prowl, tucking his ears and whiskers and ramming the bed with his shoulder. Somewhere between a demanding housecat and a shark looking to sink a raft. TRY AGAIN.
Li Lianhua rarely regrets his sharp tongue, except when it cuts someone undeserving of it. His mistake is instantly apparent in the panther's sudden and arrow-straight approach, in the force of his frustration and hurt that could knock Li Lianhua senseless if it weren't aimed at the bed frame instead.
Even spared like that, Li Lianhua flinches. It's indeed enough to shake the self-pity out of him. A moment of shock and guilt that demands a different way of thinking from him. More than a year of unlooked for, unearned chances later, two East Sea anniversaries later, maybe it's time to admit neither of them is still the same.
Di Feisheng is here because he wants to be. Because he's worried, not for the sake of the future or the past but for the one that's here now, in this moment. Because he wants him to stay. It's a way of thinking that Li Lianhua can't bear with for long, not with the way it makes his heart threaten to crawl out of his throat ahead of more flower petals. But he has to try. Di Feisheng deserves nothing less.
He lets one of his hands drop down from his chest, held out towards the pacing panther. The small smile in the corner of his pale lips has lost all sharpness, now the sort of fragile thing that's meant to put a brave face on fear, and longing.
"A-Fei."
It has the air of a peace offering, maybe, a quiet admittance of fault.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2025-03-09 09:36 pm (UTC)ed concernhimself. This shift from low-eared, crouched staring and stewing is a subtle one, but at least the lamplight eyes are averted. Like that makes any real kind of difference, like there's any meaningful way to give some distance to Li Lianhua's various sufferings that isn't just kind of a token, but that's just how it is again. Tokens, like many things, are not what Di Feisheng is for. He does have to keep thinking about it in case it's changed.Fighting a broom-wielding Fang Xiaobao would be preferable to any of these lines of thought, honestly, not least because it would be a better distraction than he knows how to be on his own. Flower petals, of all things. It's one thing to live in a world determined to borrow from storybooks, but couldn't it have been from the kind with more investment in balance and morality than in inevitability? Maybe if he sits here long enough Li Lianhua will say he also thinks it's stupid. That might not be beneficial from a medical standpoint, but it would still be nice.
Given this annoyance, the sweeping is taking care of itself actually.no subject
Date: 2025-03-11 09:49 pm (UTC)"Hah, it would actually be quite satisfying to see. You're fast, but Xiaobao can't be underestimated... Too resourceful and determined, even for you. I really don't know who to bet on..." He trails off, finding even this small amount of chatter too tiring. Besides, if having to listen to some nonsense was going to convince Di Feisheng to go find something more worthwhile to do with his time, it would have done so much sooner than this. The panther's annoyance is palpable, but somehow not very amusing at all.
Li Lianhua sighs gingerly around the stifling congestion in his lungs, a pained pinch between his eyebrows, though he hasn't dropped his smile.
"Save me the lecture, Lao Di. I know you think this is stupid. I don't like it either." As if that makes any sort of difference.
no subject
Date: 2025-03-24 10:34 pm (UTC)kittenishsnort. Of course Li Lianhua doesn't like it. He sounds terrible, which has happened before. He's trying, with the mental descendant of martial skill, not to let it fully touch him through the deployment of words. Di Feisheng can't decide if this is an improvement or more of the same. They are very close to being in agreement, anyway. There's something mollifying in that, but Di Feisheng can't quite take it to heart.Does Li Lianhua know why this feels like such a meaningless betrayal? Why he's spending his time in these baleful vigils? What lecture does he even think Di Feisheng could give about something that seems to be blind bad luck rather than willful self-despite. If Li Lianhua is putting words in the mouth of a big cat he's got things all wrong. Even the staring is completely lacking in recrimination, for once.
no subject
Date: 2025-05-04 09:00 pm (UTC)cutedisdain? Isn't that what the panther's inevitable watchful presence is meant to be? A lecture on not allowing some random stupid illness to defeat him in the end, on finding a way to cure himself with force of will alone, on never simply accepting the gains and losses fate hands out? The man is remarkably patient on this, or perhaps just characteristically tenacious, but Li Lianhua remains a poor student. He may know the right things to want these days, but knowing is only half the battle. And Li Lianhua is still so tired of battles.He's also tired of being a disappointment. There does not need to be recrimination in the eyes of a big cat for Li Lianhua to find plenty within himself. His smile curls bitterly, and there's a sharpness underpinning the usual barbed levity between them that is woefully misdirected.
"You must be pretty bored of this by now. Next time I'll find something to die of that's more convenient for you to fight, alright?"
no subject
Date: 2025-05-31 11:54 pm (UTC)He's here for commiseration. And general worry, and warding off untimely ends through some kind of apotropaic quality, but the commiseration is a big one and it's as compelling as its lack is vexing. Calling it boring just makes him bunch himself up to spring, either away or to wipe the poisoned smile off Li Lianhua's
dearface. In lieu of either argument, escape, or unseemly violence against an invalid he turns the kinetic energy to a very purposeful prowl, tucking his ears and whiskers and ramming the bed with his shoulder. Somewhere between a demanding housecat and a shark looking to sink a raft.TRY AGAIN.no subject
Date: 2025-07-13 09:33 pm (UTC)and hurtthat could knock Li Lianhua senseless if it weren't aimed at the bed frame instead.Even spared like that, Li Lianhua flinches. It's indeed enough to shake the self-pity out of him. A moment of shock and guilt that demands a different way of thinking from him. More than a year of unlooked for, unearned chances later, two East Sea anniversaries later, maybe it's time to admit neither of them is still the same.
Di Feisheng is here because he wants to be. Because he's worried, not for the sake of the future or the past but for the one that's here now, in this moment. Because he wants him to stay. It's a way of thinking that Li Lianhua can't bear with for long, not with the way it makes his heart threaten to crawl out of his throat ahead of more flower petals. But he has to try. Di Feisheng deserves nothing less.
He lets one of his hands drop down from his chest, held out towards the pacing panther. The small smile in the corner of his pale lips has lost all sharpness, now the sort of fragile thing that's meant to put a brave face on fear, and longing.
"A-Fei."
It has the air of a peace offering, maybe, a quiet admittance of fault.